2023-08-17
Proverbs 5:19 NKJV
When you first met your husband or wife and fell in love, you thought about them day and night. You couldn’t wait to be together; you hung on every word they spoke. The relationship was stimulating and exciting because you engaged each other’s minds, excited each other’s emotions, and ignited each other’s imagination on a wide range of life’s topics.
But numerous marriages don’t survive because they die of boredom. One partner gets involved in an affair, or the other becomes addicted to porn or some other deviant behaviour because they’re bored in the relationship. That’s not an excuse for wrongdoing, but boredom functions like low-grade poison; it takes an unavoidable toll on each of you.
The secret to a good marriage lies in finding ways to keep improving yourself, then bringing that to the table of your relationship. Learn something new about your husband’s career field. Care about the details of your wife’s day. Have a shared dream you’re working toward and talk about it. When you’re engaged in another person’s life, you fortify their desire to share more about their day and themselves.
And here is something else to keep in mind: It’s important for you to have a life outside of the person you’re interested in. Partners who want to grow together realize they must encourage each other to nurture friendships, hobbies, and interests independently. Exciting people excite each other! They understand how to develop their own lives without disregarding the shared life they have together. That’s what the Bible means when it says, “Always be enraptured with her [or his] love.”
Soul food: Obadiah; Mark 6:1-13; Ps 119:73-80; Prov 17:27-28
2023-08-08
Amos 3:3 NKJV
Benjamin Franklin’s formula for a happy marriage was this: “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” One of the reasons marriages end in divorce is because we see only what we want to see. And if we saw obvious faults that could destroy the relationship, we allowed our heart to overrule our head and thought, “He or she will change after I marry them.” What you turn a blind eye to today, you forfeit the right to complain about tomorrow. So if you’re wise, you will do these two things before you make the decision to marry someone:
(1) Discuss openly what you will and will not accept in your relationship. These things are called “deal breakers.” Things like abuse, infidelity, alcohol and drug abuse, anger and moodiness, and buying stuff you can’t afford. If you think breaking up with someone now is painful, wait until you’re married with children, and mortgages and families are involved! The Bible says, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?”
(2) If there are no deal-breaking concerns, but you basically fear the unknown, use your faith in God to bridge the gap between your doubts and the peace you wish for. Don’t invent reasons not to commit. Stop nit-picking every flaw in the other person. The Bible says, “His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor… Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6 NKJV). Pray together and give the “Wonderful, Counselor” a chance to guide you in your relationship choice. God instituted marriage; when you do it His way, you can enter the highest halls of human happiness.
Soul food: Deut 18-21; Mark 3:20-35; Ps 119:9-16; Prov 17:4-6
2023-07-26
Romans 12:10 AMPC
One of the first signs of trouble in a marriage is taking each other for granted. And it happens subtly, like a weed growing up and choking a rose.
Dr. James Dobson writes: “One of the best ways to keep a marriage healthy is to maintain a system of mutual accountability within the context of love. This is done by protecting what I call the ‘line of respect’… Let me illustrate. Suppose I work in my office two hours longer than usual… knowing that my wife, Shirley, is at home preparing a special candlelight dinner. If I don’t call to let her know I’ll be late, you can bet that I’m going to hear about it when I get home. Shirley would see my behaviour as insulting – and she’d be right. So she’d say, in effect, ‘Jim, what you did was selfish, and I can’t let it pass.’ In those few words, and probably a few more, she would have spoken her mind in love and held me accountable for my disrespect. Then we would move on together. In a healthy marriage, some things are worth defending, and mutual respect is at the top of the list. This doesn’t mean you should nag, insult, publicly embarrass your mate, or point out insignificant indiscretions that should be overlooked. But a workable system of ‘checks and balances’ can keep your marriage on course when issues of respect are at stake. This kind of mutual accountability is the best way I know to avoid an unexpected explosion when stored resentment and anger reach a critical mass.”
So: “Love one another… giving precedence and showing honour to one another.”
Soul food: Acts 18-19; Matt 27:57-66; Ps 42:1-5; Prov 16:16
2023-06-08
Genesis 2:24 NLT
These days many divorces are based on grounds of incompatibility. For example, the husband says, “We have nothing in common.” Or the wife says, “We’re as different as chalk and cheese.” Of course you are! If you were exactly the same, one of you would be unnecessary! The very reason you need each other is because you’re different! One likes coffee; the other, tea. One goes to bed early; the other is a night owl. One is quiet; the other is an extrovert. Can this cause friction? Absolutely! That’s where love, kindness, and patience come into the picture.
The real issue isn’t your differences – it’s making those God-given differences work for you instead of against you. The sad fact is that we have lost our understanding of how to make our differences dovetail and complement one another. The day you start looking for what God is trying to teach you through your mate, you stop griping and start growing.
Maybe in your heart of hearts you’re thinking, “But I don’t believe God gave me my mate.” Maybe not, but if you let Him, He will teach you how to love and learn from him or her anyway. As a couple, there are no problems stemming from your differences that can’t be solved by applying a healthy dose of God’s grace and following the guidelines He established for building a happy relationship. But you have to build it. And it takes work. Two imperfect people don’t make one perfect marriage. But two imperfect people committed to loving one another and following God’s guidelines can come as close to Eden’s bliss as it gets this side of heaven.
Soul food: Rev 5-9; Matt 15:29-39; Ps 16; Prov 13:1
2023-06-07
Genesis 2:22 NIV
Before God gave Adam a wife, he gave him a calling. Then He explained to Adam that he would need help to fulfill that calling; he would never reach his maximum potential on his own because he was incomplete. Adam didn’t realize that until God revealed it to him. And how did He reveal it? Once Adam started naming the animals in the garden, he was in a position to see that each of them had a partner. Every creature had another creature just like him or her, whereas Adam didn’t.
Notice: God didn’t give Adam a wife until he generated in him the realization that he needed one. We value something or someone once we realize how vital they are. One of the most common complaints counselors hear is that one of the partners in a marriage feels unneeded. But when God joins you, and you understand how each of you contributes to the relationship, you both feel needed. The first thing in Scripture God declared “not good” (v. 18 NIV) was that Adam was alone. Note the word “fashioned” (v. 22 NAS), which means to design intricately and build carefully.
God gave Adam a partner specifically designed to carry out the instruction He had previously given him – namely, to “rule” (Genesis 1:28 NIV). He gave Eve to Adam so he would have someone to collaborate with in achieving the purpose he had been created for. Eve wasn’t taken from Adam’s head to be above him, or from his feet to be beneath him. She was created from one of his ribs, a protected place close to his heart. That way they could work side by side to fulfill their purpose. Bottom line: You need each other.
Soul food: Rev 1-4; Matt 15:15-28; Ps 129; Prov 12:27-28
