Geheime vir selfbeheersing (1)

2018-02-28
Jakobus 1:14 ABA

Kom ons kyk vir die volgende paar dae hoe om selfbeheersing te ontwikkel. Hier is die eerste stap: Aanvaar verantwoordelikheid vir jou gebrek aan selfbeheersing. Erken jou probleem. ‘Elkeen wat verkeerde dinge doen, doen dit omdat hy self lus is om dit te doen…’ Die grootste rede hoekom jy dinge doen – is omdat jy daarvan hou! Wanneer jy weet dat iets vir jou sleg is en dit steeds doen, is dit omdat jy dit wil doen. Soms probeer ons die probleem van selfbeheersing ignoreer of ons ontken dit: ‘Watse probleem? Ek het nie ‘n probleem nie,’ of ‘Dis maar net hoe ek is,’ of ‘Almal anders doen dit.’ Soms blameer ons ander: ‘As ek maar net ander ouers gehad het,’ of ‘Die Duiwel het my dit laat doen.’ Solank as wat jy jou energie op verskonings mors, kan jy nie vooruitgang maak nie. Jakobus wys ons daarop dat ons daarvan hou om die pad van die minste weerstand te volg en dit is gewoonlik maar die maklikste om net tot die versoeking toe te gee. Die beginspunt om selfbeheersing te ontwikkel, is om dit wat God reeds in sy Woord gesê het, in die gesig te staar: ‘…elkeen wat aanhou sonde doen, is ‘n slaaf van die sonde’ (Johannes 8:34 NLV). Wil jy meer selfbeheersing hê? Erken dan dat jy ‘n probleem het en wees spesifiek daaroor: ‘Ek het hierdie probleem. Dis waar ek hulp nodig het.’ Jy mag dalk ‘n probleem met kos, drank, dwelms, werk, jou humeur, geld, oefening, seks, televisie, klere of tyd hê – al hierdie areas het selfbeheersing nodig. Gaan dus vandag op jou knieë en praat met God oor jou probleem, met die geloof dat jy dit met sy hulp kan oorkom.

Sielskos: 1 Kon 14-15; Matt 18:21-35; Ps 58; Spr 6:12-15

Secrets of self-control (1)


James 1:14 NKJV

For the next few days let’s look at how to develop self-control. Here’s the first step: Accept responsibility for your lack of self-control. Admit your problem. “A man’s temptation is due to the pull of his own inward desires, which greatly attract him.” The main reason you do things – is because you like to! When you know something’s bad for you but you still do it, it’s because you want to. Sometimes we try to ignore the problem of self-control or deny it: “What problem? I don’t have a problem,” or “It’s just the way I am,” or “Everybody else is doing it.” Sometimes we blame others: “If I just had different parents,” or “The Devil made me do it.” As long as you waste your energy making excuses, you can’t make progress. James points out that we like to take the path of least resistance, and giving in to temptation is usually the easiest course. The starting point for developing self-control is to face what God has already said in His Word: “Everyone who sins is a slave to sin” (John 8:34 NIV). Do you want more self-control? Then admit you have a problem, and be specific about it: “I have this problem. This is where I need help.” You may have a problem with food, drink, drugs, words, your temper, money, exercise, sex, TV, clothes, time – all these areas need self-control. So today get down on your knees and talk to God about the problem, believing that with His help you’ll be able to solve it.

Soul food: 1 Kings 14-15; Matt 18:21-35; Ps 58; Prov 6:12-15

Secrets of self-control (1)


James 1:4 ESV

If we’re serious about taking the Bible at its words, then we’ll have to listen when it says that we have to die to self (take a look at Colossians 3). Dying to ourselves means losing grasp on all our inward desires that draw us down. At the beginning, this means controlling them: keeping a lid on them, putting hand-rails around them, hosing down fires. Start with the basics. The main reason you do things is because you like to. ‘Each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.’ When you know something’s not great for you but you still do it, it’s because you want to. Sometimes we talk our way around all this. ‘It’s just the way I am.’ ‘If I’d had different parents, maybe.’ ‘The devil made me do it.’ But energy wasted on excuses is energy we could throw into moving past our problems. James points out that we like to take the path of least resistance. And giving in to temptation is usually the easiest course. The starting point for growing in self-control is facing up to what God’s said: ‘Everyone who sins is a slave to sin’ (John 8:34 NIV). Do you want more self-control? Own up to having a problem, and get specific about it. Maybe it’s food, drink, anger, words, sex, social media, exercise, time – these are all areas that can trip us up if we let them. Today put aside some time and space and get before God – and start to put the work in yourself.

1 Kings 14-15; Matt 18:21-35; Ps 58; Prov 6:12-15

Gevegsreëls

2018-02-27
Spreuke 15:1 NLV

Selfs in die beste van huwelike sal argumente van tyd tot tyd voorkom. Met twee mense met verskillende temperamente, smake en denkwyses, hoe dan anders? Hier is dus ‘n paar gevegsreëls: 1) Dink voor jy praat. Vra jouself af of dit vrees, stres of kommer kan wees wat jou maat se reaksie uitgelok het. Pla dit jou omdat jy onseker of ongewaardeerd voel? Neem tyd om te probeer identifiseer wat regtig aan die gang is. 2) Vra vir dit wat jy nodig het. Dis heeltemal in die haak om te erken dat jy sommige dae behoeftiger as ander dae is. Dr Gary Oliver sê: ‘Wanneer ‘n vrou elke keer paniekerig voel wanneer haar man laat by die huis kom omdat haar vorige man ‘n affair gehad het, is dit in die haak om te sê, ‘Ek weet dit is irrasioneel, maar vandag voel ek paniekerig.’ Hierdie tipe eerlikheid versterk ‘n verhouding. 3) Moet nooit dreig nie. Dreigemente maak jou maat net op die verdediging en onseker. Gevolglik kan hulle nie hoor wat jy sê nie en niks word opgelos nie. 4) Raak van die bagasie van vorige verhoudings ontslae. Die Bybel sê, ‘Om ander lief te hê beteken… om nie elke liewe dingetjie wat iemand verkeerd doen te onthou sodat jy hom kan terugkry nie’ (1 Korintiërs 13:4-5 DB). Dis verkeerd om van jou maat te verwag om hulself oor en oor te ‘bewys.’ Moenie aanneem dat ou verhoudingsprobleme hulself weer gaan herhaal nie. Dit sal nie gebeur as jy kommunikeer en groei nie. 5) Sê elke dag vir jou maat iets moois. Enige tyd wanneer jy aan iets goeds van jou eggenoot dink, stop en sê dit vir hulle. Onthou, skerp woorde kan wonde veroorsaak, maar “‘n Vriendelike antwoord kalmeer die gemoedere…”

Sielskos: 1 Kon 12-13; Matt 18:10-20; Ps 53; Spr 6:9-11

Rules of engagement


Proverbs 15:1 TM

Even in the best of marriages arguments will arise from time to time. With two people of differing temperaments, tastes, and ways of thinking, how could it be otherwise? So here are a few rules of engagement: (1) Think before you speak. Ask yourself if fear, stress, or worry may have provoked your mate’s response. Is it bothering you right now because you are feeling insecure and unappreciated? Could you be misreading or exaggerating the problem? Take time to try and identify what’s really happening. (2) Ask for what you need. It’s okay to admit that some days you are needier than others. Dr. Gary Oliver says: “When a woman feels panicked every time her husband comes home late because her previous husband had an affair…it’s okay to say, ‘I know it’s irrational, but I’m having a panicky day.’ That kind of honesty strengthens a relationship.” (3) Never threaten. Threats just make your mate defensive and insecure. As a result, they can’t hear what you’re saying and nothing gets resolved. (4) Ditch the baggage from previous relationships. The Bible says, “Love…always looks for the best…never looks back” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 TM). It’s wrong to make your mate keep “proving” themselves over and over again. Don’t assume that old relationship problems are destined to keep repeating themselves. They won’t if you’re communicating and growing. (5) Say something nice to your mate every day. Any time you think something good about your spouse, stop and tell them. And when they reciprocate, respond graciously to what they’re saying. Remember, sharp words can create wounds, but “a gentle response defuses anger.”

Soul food: 1 Kings 12-13; Matt 18:10-20; Ps 53; Prov 6:9-11