2023-01-26
Proverbs 18:13 NLT
Someone said “getting married is like buying something you have admired for ages in a shop window. You love it – but when you get it home, it doesn’t always go with everything!” The Bible gives us three words that are essential to building a happy marriage: “Live in… harmony” (Romans 15:5 NLT). That means doing these three things:
(1) Keep an open mind. The Bible says, “Spouting off before listening to the facts is… shameful and foolish.” So don’t form your response while your husband or wife is still talking. And never become so entrenched in your position that you’re unwilling to consider your spouse’s viewpoint. Listening is about connecting and acknowledging where the other person is coming from. “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests… take an interest in others” (Philippians 2:3-4 NLT).
(2) Learn to laugh at yourself. “A cheerful heart brings a smile… a sad heart makes it hard to get through the day” (Proverbs 15:13 MSG). When you’re experiencing money woes, family problems, illness, or plain old exhaustion, humor can ease the tension and help restore your perspective.
(3) Eliminate the “D” word from your vocabulary. Although God permits divorce under certain circumstances, it’s never His ideal. Like one couple who worked through their marriage troubles said, “We’re glad we didn’t give up during the difficult years. We hung in long enough to realise that it really can get better with time.” When you commit to work on your relationship, no matter how things ultimately end up, you will never regret your efforts.
Soul food: Gen 4-6; Luke 6:1-16; Ps 104:1-23; Prov 3:9-10
2022-12-12
Philippians 2:4 NIV
Often in marriage we are unaware of our partner’s needs. We become calloused. We stop listening. We’re oblivious to the pressure they’re under. Simply stated, the root of many marital problems is insensitivity. Everyone you meet needs kindness. The people who sit around you in church have major hurts; you’re just unaware of them.
We find a great example of sensitivity in the life of King David. David’s friend, Jonathan – Saul’s son – had been killed. Now, safely enthroned for several years, David made a rare request. He asked if anyone was left in Saul’s family that he could help. He discovered Saul’s grandson – Jonathan’s son – Mephibosheth, who was crippled in both feet. When David sent for him, Mephibosheth almost certainly thought, “I’m going to be killed because I am a member of the enemy’s family, the old dynasty.” But notice David’s words: “Don’t be afraid… for I will surely show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan. I will restore to you all the land that belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will always eat at my table” (2 Samuel 9:7 NIV).
Mephibosheth’s reaction is interesting: “What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?” (v. 8 NIV). He felt like a dog and expected to be treated like one. But the point you need to notice is this: David took time, made the effort, and was sensitive to his needs. One of the dangers of success is that the pressures that accompany it can make you insensitive toward others.
Question: To whom do you need to become more sensitive today?
Soul food: Josh 16:1-19:23; John 15:18-27; Ps 148:7-14; Prov 29:16-21
2021-11-13
1 John 4:7 NIV
When we watch celebrities move through multiple marriages and hop from one relationship to another, it reminds us that you can have charisma without character, talent without trustworthiness, and skill without staying power. A cartoon in a magazine showed a couple standing before a minister during their wedding ceremony. The minister, looking at the bride, said, “The correct response is, ‘I do,’ not, ‘It’s worth a try.'”
Love – in marriage and in any other relationship – requires unselfishness and commitment on our part. And contrary to popular opinion, it doesn’t come easily or naturally to any of us. Love is others-centered and self-sacrificing. The truth is that we’re all self-centered; in our own natural selves, we care little about making sacrifices for others unless we’re highly motivated and well rewarded.
That’s why the Bible teaches us that one of the secrets of having an intimate relationship with someone else is having one with God. John the Apostle writes, “Love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love” (vv. 7-8 NIV). And if you ask Him to do it, God will download that kind of love into your heart. Here’s how He does it: “God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us” (Romans 5:5 NIV). This kind of love grows as we mature it. It develops as we feed it. It expands as we persist in it. Bottom line: This kind of love has staying power!
Soul food: 2 Chr 1-4; John 10:22-42; Ps 83:1-8; Prov 26:13-16
2021-07-03
Matthew 7:25 NKJV
Did you know that before it snows, certain fir trees retract their branches so that the weight of the snow they’ll have to bear will be reduced? This withdrawal response is programmed into their branches. God has enabled these trees to anticipate the problem before it occurs, thereby reducing the risk that they will break in a storm. And you need to do the same thing in your marriage. You can’t avoid problems and crises, but you can prepare for their arrival. Most of the stress points in our families are common, and therefore predictable.
Christian psychologist, Doctor James Dobson writes: “One of my good friends spent a considerable amount of time with his wife, preparing for the moment when their grown kids would move out of the house. They talked often about the empty nest, and discussed ways their friends had coped with it. They read books about that phase of life, and applied what they had heard to themselves. As a result, their transition to the empty nest was smooth. Into every marriage, a little snow will fall. Blizzards will blow, and storms will howl. But an effort to anticipate these times will help you and your mate stand up under the weight of the winter storm.”
Here are three ways in which you can be ready: (1) Sharing goals beyond parenting to which you’re both committed. (2) Sharing feelings and needs, and having them validated. (3) Sharing in prayer together each day. Did you know that 90 percent of all Christian couples don’t pray together? Be sure and make it your goal to be part of the 10 percent who do.
Soul food: Jer 36:27-40:16; Luke 4:31-44; Ps 102:12-17; Prov 15:3
2021-05-28
1 Corinthians 7:33-34 NKJV
Doctor James Dobson writes: “Which of the following couples is more likely to enjoy the greatest physical attraction in the marriage? The couple that spends every waking hour together and focuses almost exclusively on one another, or the man and woman who has other interests, and then after some time of independence, come closer together again as the pendulum swings? Surprisingly, it’s the one that varies from time to time.
According to behavioral researchers, the healthiest marriages and those with the highest sexual voltage are those that breathe – relationships that move from a time of closeness and tenderness to a more distant posture, and then come together for another reunion as the cycle concludes. This is why it’s not always advantageous for a husband and wife to work together, or to concentrate exclusively on one another in the absence of friends and colleagues outside the family.
There is something about the diversity of interests and activities by each partner that keeps the couple from consuming one another and burning out the relationship in the short run. Marriage is, after all, a marathon and not a sprint. Husbands and wives need to maintain a regenerating system that will keep love alive for a lifetime. Cultivating a healthy interest in many things is one big step in that direction.”
How do you do this? (1) By sharing without smothering. (2) By being so secure in your love that you trust one another. (3) By recognizing that your partner’s personal growth requires some elements you cannot personally provide, and being okay with that.
Soul food: 1 Ki 16:1-18:15; Mark 12:13-27; Ps 108; Prov 12:14
