2024-10-07
Proverbs 18:22 NKJV
Perhaps you have heard the joke about the lady who told her friend, “I didn’t know what real happiness was until I married my husband, and now it’s too late.” Seriously, that doesn’t have to be your story. Through God’s wisdom, love, and grace, you can rebuild your marriage. To do it, you will need to learn the art of openness and allow yourself to be vulnerable, transparent, and ready to trust again. The only path to truly connect with someone is to genuinely allow that person to fully know you – your worries, struggles, lack of confidence, hopes, and dreams.
It is natural, especially after you have experienced hurt or rejection, to want to shield yourself and your heart from more pain. Doing this makes complete sense in other parts of your life, but in marriage, shutting down your soul to your spouse will definitely result in further pain.
Like property increasing in value over time, your marriage builds equity over the years. Like methodical investments into a savings account, modest deposits add up. Your shared experiences, such as the day when your child drove off to college, the company the two of you sacrificed and saved to start, the death of your parent after a lengthy battle with cancer, the birth of your children, or a surprise weeklong trip to celebrate your birthday – it all counts. These experiences come together as a beautiful canvas of intimacy that portrays your lives together. They also bring God’s blessing. “He who finds a wife [or husband] finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the Lord.”
Soul food: Exo 7-9; John 1:14-28; Ps 92; Prov 26:1-3
2024-10-06
Matthew 6:12 NKJV
Other translations say to forgive others’ “trespasses.” To trespass means to go where you’re not supposed to and do what you’re not supposed to. Infidelity, dishonesty, and other wrong things are among the trespasses we may experience. Without the ability to practice forgiveness, even for the little things, it’s hard to offer or receive the grace of forgiveness. To forgive means to admit to ourselves that our partner is not perfect, and neither are we. To fail to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Forgiveness not only releases your spouse from your anger and hurt, but it also lets you out of its grasp as well.
It’s impossible to stay married without learning to practice forgiveness. We need it not only for each other but to have a relationship with God, since God is in us and in our union. If the barrier between you and your marriage partner seems as big as a mountain, then pray, believing you serve a mountain-moving God. Jesus said: “Assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says. Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them. And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses” (Mark 11:23-26 NKJV).
Soul food: Heb 11:8-12; Gen 17:1-27; Gen 22:1-18; Jam 2:21-24
2024-10-05
1 Peter 3:7 NIV
Because something is said doesn’t necessarily mean it’s heard. At least, not in the way you think it is. The apostle Peter uses the words “considerate” and “respect.” Both are essential to the art of listening, which is essential to a good marriage. Unless you’re willing to consider what your spouse is saying and respect their thoughts and feelings, you’re headed for trouble. The reason many couples come to a point where they are contemplating divorce is that instead of having conversations, their interactions disintegrate into sermons and monologues. Counseling can help you learn how the other person expresses themselves.
When you are focused on being right and getting “one-up,” there is no room for solutions to emerge. The key is to try and listen with an open heart rather than a closed mind; learning to be vulnerable and soft in order to come to the place of understanding, where negotiation can take place. Some couples write letters to express their feelings as they navigate their way back to better and deeper communication.
Just as an artist waits for the perfect light to capture a subject on canvas, couples must learn the art of waiting to help reset their relationship back on course. This requires patience and dedication that are not always easy but very necessary. God’s timing offers us deeper healing than anything we can construct on our own. If you are considering divorce, be sure that you have exhausted every other option first. No matter how bad things may be between you, with God’s help, you can rebuild your marriage.
Soul food: Exo 4-6; John 1:1-13; Ps 63; Prov 25:26-28
2024-10-04
1 Peter 3:7 NLT
A pastor advises, “To regain true intimacy, physical and emotional, to restore the closeness you once shared, you must be willing to allow your heart and soul to reopen.” If you have been hurt, that’s not easy. But you must be willing to risk exposing yourself to the unknown in order to reconnect with one another.
He continues: “To bring a marriage back from the brink of divorce is not easy; in every union, there are unique considerations that must be worked out… Whether the problems in your marriage arise from external circumstances, such as losing a job or undergoing a home foreclosure, or problems with the relationship, such as an affair or addiction issues, you can only rebuild your relationship by revitalizing what you once had and reconnecting with each other… The first step in reconnecting with your mate is to practice the art of getting to know the other person.” The Bible says, “Treat your wife [or husband] with understanding as you live together.” And “understanding” your partner’s needs takes time, attention, and effort.
The minister adds this: “What typically happens when we are first trying to figure out someone is that we put them in a box based on who and what we think they are. Then we stick a label on the box that we hope will follow them for the rest of their lives. Truly knowing someone is not about deciding who they should be and then wanting them to stay that way forever. The mystery of knowing another requires commitment to lifelong learning.” If you’re serious about rebuilding your marriage, make “understanding” one another your highest priority.
Soul food: Exo 1-3; Luke 24:45-53; Ps 51; Prov 25:23-25
2024-03-28
Proverbs 5:18 NKJV
The more history you have with your spouse, the more joy and pain you have experienced. You’re closer at times than others as the circumstances of life rise and fall. Yet if you did due diligence at the onset of the relationship, were clear about what you desired in a partner, and honestly evaluated who that person is, what will keep your union going forward is remembering what brought the two of you together in the first place. What you initially enjoyed and esteemed about this person probably hasn’t changed.
But for your relationship to continue to develop, you must work on growing closer. All relationships have growth areas that require pruning and fertilizing. If you feel your relationship isn’t what it once was, it could be that it’s developing into something different. Or it could be that you need to renew your commitment to keeping it fresh and moving forward. It may be that you must work on creating the intimacy that’s missing or enjoying the love you once had.
The fundamentals of your mate, if they were really there in the first place, aren’t likely to change. The basis of your relationship is what’s important. Focusing on that makes it much easier to go with the flow of the unavoidable ups and downs of daily living. So, do you need more time together? When you’re too busy to listen, really listen, your mate thinks you don’t care about them or you don’t value the relationship sufficiently. Think: What would you do if your car broke down? You would take the time and pay the price to fix it!
Soul food: Jer 7-9; Matt 27:20-31; Ps 38:1-12; Prov 8:22-23
