2025-10-11
Ephesians 4:15 NIV
Virginia Satir, a founder of family systems therapy, determined that most families have five styles of communication.
(1) Some members are placaters. They go along to get along, and reduce stress by saying what others want to hear that makes them less upset.
(2) Others are blamers: finger-pointers, nitpickers, spinners of exquisite theories, eager to prove that they’re right and you’re wrong. And by accepting the blame, you vindicate and empower them.
(3) Satir describes other family members as super-reasonable. Their motto is, “Always agree with what other people say and conceal your real feelings.” It’s how they prevent getting hurt. They talk from their head and not their heart, redirecting the conversation toward things that are “safe.”
(4) Other family members opt for irrelevance, deflecting the conversation away from uncomfortable and potentially threatening topics. They talk only about what’s unrelated to whatever is going on.
(5) The final communication style is congruous or consistent. Congruous people tell it like it is. No disguising feelings, no double-talk, and no pretending. If they’re angry, they own their anger, they say they’re angry, and they may even look angry. They’re straight shooters. They have credibility; you can understand and believe them. No topics have to be dodged, and no questions avoided. Anything and everything can be discussed, and everyone’s opinion is respected.
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Nothing astonishes men [and women] so much as common sense and plain dealing.” And it’s a scriptural, truth-based communication style that works.
Soul food: 2 Sam 20:1-22:30; John 4:1-12; Ps 100; Prov 23:22-28
Efesiërs 4:15 NLV
Virginia Satir, ‘n terapeut, het vasgestel dat die meeste gesinne vyf style van kommunikasie het.
1) Sommige gesinslede is vredemakers. Hulle maak seker dat almal oor die weg kom en verminder stres deur te sê wat ander wil hoor en wat hulle minder ontstel.
2) Ander is blameerders: vingerwysers, foutvinders, gretig om te bewys dat hulle reg en jy verkeerd is. Wanneer jy dan die skuld aanvaar, regverdig en bemagtig jy hulle.
3) Satir beskryf ander familielede as super-redelik. Hul leuse is: ‘Stem altyd saam met wat ander mense sê en verberg jou ware gevoelens.’ Dit is hoe hulle keer dat hulle seerkry. Hulle praat nie uit hul hart uit nie en herlei die gesprek na ‘veilige’ onderwerpe.
4) Ander familielede kies ontoepaslikheid, wat die gesprek van ongemaklike en potensieel bedreigende onderwerpe weglei. Hulle praat net oor dinge wat nie met dit wat aangaan, verband hou nie.
5) Die laaste kommunikasiestyl is konsekwentheid. Konsekwente mense sê dinge soos dit is. Daar is geen verbloemde gevoelens, geen dubbelsinnige praatjies en geen voorgee nie. Wanneer hulle kwaad is, sê hulle hulle is kwaad. Hulle is geloofwaardig; jy kan hulle verstaan en glo. Geen onderwerpe hoef ontduik te word en geen vrae moet vermy word nie. Enigiets en alles kan bespreek word en almal se mening word gerespekteer.
Ralph Waldo Emerson het eenkeer gesê: ‘Niks verbaas mense soveel soos gesonde verstand en ‘n reguit handelswyse nie.’ Dit is ‘n skriftuurlike, waarheidsgebaseerde kommunikasiestyl wat werk.
Sielskos: 2 Sam 20:1-22:30; Joh 4:1-12; Ps 100; Spr 23:22-28
2025-10-10
Hebrews 4:16 NLT
During World War II, Corrie ten Boom and her Dutch family hid many Jews from the Nazis. Eventually, she was caught and put in a concentration camp where she saw all sorts of atrocities, including the death of her father and sister. Then she was accidentally released. She never became bitter. She even forgave the man who killed her relatives.
Someone asked her how she could endure those dark days and remain loving, forgiving, and kind. She answered with a story of how, when she was a little girl, her father would take her on train rides all over Europe. He would always purchase her ticket several weeks ahead of time, but he would never let her have it until they were boarding. That’s because she was a little girl, and he didn’t want her to lose it or leave it at home. But whenever her father saw the headlights of the train approaching the station, he would give her the ticket, and they would step on board together.
Corrie said, “The reason you can’t fathom how I could forgive the person who killed my family, how I could not be filled with bitterness… is because just like my father and our train tickets, God doesn’t give us the grace we need until we’re about to step on board. But if you ever go through something like I went through, I can assure you God’s grace will be there to help you make it through the dark valleys and still keep your head held high and your heart filled with love.”
Soul food: 2 Sam 17:14-19:43; John 3:22-36; Ps 89:38-52; Prov 23:19-21
Hebreërs 4:16 NLV
Corrie ten Boom en haar familie het gedurende die Tweede Wêreldoorlog baie Jode weggesteek, sodat die Nazis hulle nie kon opspoor nie. Uiteindelik is hulle uitgevang en na ‘n konsentrasiekamp gestuur waar sy allerhande gruweldade, insluitend die dood van haar pa en suster, ervaar het. Sy het egter nooit bitter geword nie. Sy het selfs die man wat haar familie vermoor het, vergewe.
Iemand het haar gevra hoe sy daardie donker dae kon verduur en steeds liefdevol, vergewensgesind en vriendelik kon bly. Sy het geantwoord met ‘n verhaal van hoe haar pa haar, toe sy ‘n klein dogtertjie was, op treinritte regoor Europa geneem het. Hy sou altyd ‘n paar weke voor die tyd hulle kaartjies koop, maar nooit die kaartjie vir haar gee voordat dit tyd was om te vertrek nie. Hy het dit gedoen omdat sy ‘n klein dogtertjie was en hy nie wou hê dat sy die kaartjie moet verloor of by die huis los nie. Wanneer haar pa egter die ligte van die trein die stasie sien binnekom het, het hy haar die kaartjie gegee en hulle het saam op die trein geklim.
Corrie het gesê: ‘Die rede waarom jy nie kan begryp hoe ek die persoon wat my gesin vermoor het kon vergewe nie, hoe ek nie met bitterheid vervul kon word nie, is omdat net soos my pa en ons treinkaartjies, God ons nie die genade gee wat ons nodig het totdat ons op die punt is om aan boord te gaan nie. As jy egter ooit deur iets gaan soos ek deurgemaak het, kan ek jou verseker dat God se genade daar sal wees om jou te help om deur die donker valleie met jou kop steeds omhoog en jou hart gevul met liefde, te kom.’
Sielskos: 2 Sam 17:14-19:43; Joh 3:22-36; Ps 89:38-52; Spr 23:19-21
2025-10-09
Colossians 2:10 NKJV
One Christian author writes: “What if everywhere you went, you ran into someone you didn’t like? You attend a party and have to endure her conversation and constant opinions. You go to church, and she’s sitting right beside you… she is at the dinner table… she’s everywhere! That sounds pretty awful, but this is the exact situation you’re in if you don’t like yourself, because you are everywhere you go. You can’t get away from yourself, even for a second, so you’re in for a sad life if you dread your own company.
Even though… it makes no sense to live… this way… most people don’t like themselves. They may not even realize it, but some genuine soul-searching reveals the sad fact that they have rejected themselves, and in some cases, even hate themselves… I’m amazed at how few are truly at peace with themselves. Instead, they’ve declared war on themselves. God wants you to love yourself, not in some wrong selfish or prideful way, but in a healthy way that truly understands how special you are to Him. As you begin to see yourself as God sees you, not only will you love yourself, but you’ll have the confidence and faith to be a powerful force for good in the world.”
Somebody said just because nobody has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold mine you are doesn’t mean you shine any less. Just because nobody has been smart enough to figure out that you can’t be topped doesn’t stop you from being the best. Just because nobody has come along to share your life doesn’t mean that day isn’t coming… Keep shining, keep running, keep hoping, keep praying… keep being exactly who you are.
Soul food: 2 Sam 14:21-17:13; John 3:1-21; Ps 89:15-37; Prov 23:15-18
