2023-05-22
Psalm 127:1 NLV
Jy moet gewillig wees om die ander persoon te vergewe. Dit maak jou weerloos wanneer jy iemand liefhet. Wanneer jy vir iemand jou hart gee, mag hulle dit dalk breek. ‘n Vreemdeling of toevallige kennis kan iets vir jou sê wat soos water van ‘n eend se rug van jou afrol. Wanneer jou maat egter dieselfde ding vir jou sê, kan dit gevoelens van woede en wrokkigheid by jou laat opkom.
Niemand bly aan iemand anders getroud sonder dat daar vergifnis by betrokke is nie. Dink daaroor: Jou verhouding met God behels dat jy sy vergifnis nodig het, daarvoor vra en dit ontvang. Jesus het ons geleer om as volg te bid: ‘En vergeef ons ons sondeskuld soos ons ook óns skuldenaars vergewe het.’ Dan verduidelik Hy verder: ‘As julle die mense vergewe wat teen julle oortree, sal julle hemelse Vader julle ook vergewe’ (Matteus 6:12,14 NLV).
Wanneer jy voortdurend voel dat jou maat jou as vanselfsprekend aanvaar, kan dit opbou en in ‘n argument ontplof. As jy nie vergifnis in die klein dingetjies kan betoon nie, sal dit baie moeilik wees om gedurende krisistye genade te bewys en te ontvang. Die kuns van vergifnis beteken om volmaaktheid en prestasie te laat gaan en om genade en dankbaarheid aan te gryp.
Wanneer die Bybel sê dat ‘n man sy vader en moeder (insluitend sy kultuur, agtergrond en familietaal), moet agterlaat en hom by sy vrou voeg (om ‘n nuwe kultuur, agtergrond en familietaal te ontwikkel), begin hulle hulself aan mekaar verbind en word hulle tot een liggaam verenig (sien Matteus 19:5 NLV). Hierdie verbintenis verg egter baie tyd en werk. Dit beteken ook dat jy op dit wat goed is in jou maat moet fokus en die res moet vergewe.
Sielskos: Heb 1-4; Matt 11:20-30; Ps 88:9b-18; Spr 11:27-29
Psalm 127:1 NKJV
You must be willing to forgive the other person. Loving makes you vulnerable. When you give someone your heart, they can break it. A stranger or casual acquaintance could say something that would roll off you like water off a duck’s back. But when your mate says the same thing to you, it can stir up feelings of anger and resentment.
No one stays married to anyone without some forgiveness involved. Think about it: Your relationship with God involves needing, asking for, and receiving His forgiveness. In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus taught us to say: “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” Then He explained, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (Matthew 6:12, 14 NKJV). The word “trespass” simply means “going where you have no right to go.” And we do that to each other in marriage.
Familiarity breeds contempt. When you feel continually taken for granted by your mate, it can build up and explode into an argument. Trespassing includes infidelity, among other things. If you don’t practice forgiveness in little things, it makes it much harder to extend and receive grace during the crisis moments. The art of forgiveness requires letting go of perfection and performance and grasping hold of grace and gratitude.
When the Bible says that a man must leave his father and mother (including his culture, background, and family language) and be joined to his wife (developing a new culture, background, and family language), they begin to bond together and become one (See Matthew 19:5 NKJV). But this bonding takes a lot of time and work. It also calls for focusing on what’s good in your mate and forgiving the rest.
Soul food: Heb 1-4; Matt 11:20-30; Ps 88:9b-18; Prov 11:27-29
2023-05-21
1 Peter 3:7 NLT
Second, you must listen to each other. This requires time, patience, and focused attention. Too many couples give each other a monologue, without leaving room for genuine dialogue. This is where marriage counseling is effective. It forces both of you to slow down, interpret your spouse’s language, understand their feelings, and discover their needs. When a marriage breaks down, couples are often so busy trying to get their own point across and win the fight that they don’t listen for solutions and places of negotiation.
Divorce would be less common if we would listen with open hearts rather than closed minds. Jesus pointed out that the law of Moses permitted divorce “because of the hardness of your hearts” (Matthew 19:8 KJV). This means their hearts would not melt to the level of understanding and place of negotiation for the relationship to work.
Some couples find it simpler to write each other letters revealing their feelings as they relearn how to communicate at a deeper level. Counselors and marriage enrichment seminars use this technique, and sometimes it works wonders. By putting your feelings down on paper before expressing them, you get to ask yourself, “Is this how I really feel? Is this how I want to express my feelings? Am I saying too much? Or too little?”
Unloading on your mate may be a catharsis for you, but what if it buries them? These are some of the questions you must ask in order to rebuild your marriage. And if you both pray and keep your hearts open, God will help you to do it.
Soul food: Josh 1; Acts 3:1-21
1 Petrus 3:7 NLV
Tweedens, moet julle na mekaar luister. Dit verg tyd, geduld en gefokusde aandag. Te veel paartjies gee vir mekaar ‘n monoloog, sonder om ruimte vir ware dialoog te laat. Dis waar huweliksberading effektief is. Dit forseer beide van julle om mekaar se taal te interpreteer, mekaar se gevoelens te verstaan en mekaar se behoeftes te ontdek.
Wanneer ‘n huwelik verbrokkel, is paartjies dikwels so besig om hulle eie punt te probeer maak en die geveg te wen, dat hulle nie na oplossings luister of plek vir onderhandeling het nie. Skei sal minder algemeen wees as ons met oop harte, in plaas van geslote gedagtes, luister. Jesus het opgemerk dat die wet van Moses mense toelaat om te skei as ‘…. ‘n toegewing aan die sondige hardheid van julle harte…’ (Matteus 19:8 NLV). Dit beteken dat hulle harte nie tot die vlak van verstaan en plek vir onderhandeling om die verhouding te laat werk, sou smelt nie.
Sommige paartjies vind dit eenvoudiger om vir mekaar briewe oor hulle gevoelens te skryf, soos hulle leer om op ‘n dieper vlak te kommunikeer. Beraders gebruik ook hierdie tegniek, wat wonders kan verrig. Deur jou gevoelens op papier neer te pen voor jy hulle uitdruk, kan jy jouself afvra: ‘Is dit hoe ek regtig voel? Is dit hoe ek my gevoelens wil uitdruk? Sê ek te veel? Sê ek te min?’ Dit mag dalk katarties vir jou wees om by jou maat af te pak, maar wat as dit hom of haar begrawe?
Hierdie is ‘n paar van die vrae wat jy moet vra om jou huwelik te herbou. As julle beide aanhou bid en julle harte oopmaak, sal God julle help om dit te doen.
Sielskos: Josua 1; Hand 3:1-21
2023-05-20
Matthew 7:27 NKJV
Today about 50 percent of all new marriages end in divorce. Sadly, that’s true whether you’re a Christian or not. Sometimes the reasons are circumstantial, such as a job layoff or a home foreclosure. Other times it’s relational, such as a betrayal of trust or an addiction to drugs and alcohol.
If you’re committed to rebuilding your marriage, you must learn how to reconnect and work to restore what you once had. In order to accomplish this, you must both be willing to enter into the process and commit for the long haul. For the next few days, let’s look at four key areas.
First, you must know the other person. It’s a mistake to try and figure out your spouse, put them in a box, and label them for the remainder of their lives. Knowing someone is an art in progress, not a static science with unchangeable data. You must view your mate as a mystery who requires ongoing scrutiny and lifelong learning. The Bible says, “Treat your wife [and your husband] with understanding as you live together” (1 Peter 3:7 NLT).
In order to restore your marriage, take a new look at your partner. They may not be who you assumed they were – but neither are you. So you must allow room for each of you to evolve, and resolve! And be sure to include God in the process. Jesus said that a house built on the solid foundation of God’s Word will stand strong in the storm while others around it are falling apart (See Matthew 7:24-27). So today begin the process by recommitting to God – and each other.
Soul food: Jonah 1-4; Matt 11:1-19; Ps 88:1-9a; Prov 11:24-26
