2023-05-21
1 Peter 3:7 NLT
Second, you must listen to each other. This requires time, patience, and focused attention. Too many couples give each other a monologue, without leaving room for genuine dialogue. This is where marriage counseling is effective. It forces both of you to slow down, interpret your spouse’s language, understand their feelings, and discover their needs. When a marriage breaks down, couples are often so busy trying to get their own point across and win the fight that they don’t listen for solutions and places of negotiation.
Divorce would be less common if we would listen with open hearts rather than closed minds. Jesus pointed out that the law of Moses permitted divorce “because of the hardness of your hearts” (Matthew 19:8 KJV). This means their hearts would not melt to the level of understanding and place of negotiation for the relationship to work.
Some couples find it simpler to write each other letters revealing their feelings as they relearn how to communicate at a deeper level. Counselors and marriage enrichment seminars use this technique, and sometimes it works wonders. By putting your feelings down on paper before expressing them, you get to ask yourself, “Is this how I really feel? Is this how I want to express my feelings? Am I saying too much? Or too little?”
Unloading on your mate may be a catharsis for you, but what if it buries them? These are some of the questions you must ask in order to rebuild your marriage. And if you both pray and keep your hearts open, God will help you to do it.
Soul food: Josh 1; Acts 3:1-21
1 Petrus 3:7 NLV
Tweedens, moet julle na mekaar luister. Dit verg tyd, geduld en gefokusde aandag. Te veel paartjies gee vir mekaar ‘n monoloog, sonder om ruimte vir ware dialoog te laat. Dis waar huweliksberading effektief is. Dit forseer beide van julle om mekaar se taal te interpreteer, mekaar se gevoelens te verstaan en mekaar se behoeftes te ontdek.
Wanneer ‘n huwelik verbrokkel, is paartjies dikwels so besig om hulle eie punt te probeer maak en die geveg te wen, dat hulle nie na oplossings luister of plek vir onderhandeling het nie. Skei sal minder algemeen wees as ons met oop harte, in plaas van geslote gedagtes, luister. Jesus het opgemerk dat die wet van Moses mense toelaat om te skei as ‘…. ‘n toegewing aan die sondige hardheid van julle harte…’ (Matteus 19:8 NLV). Dit beteken dat hulle harte nie tot die vlak van verstaan en plek vir onderhandeling om die verhouding te laat werk, sou smelt nie.
Sommige paartjies vind dit eenvoudiger om vir mekaar briewe oor hulle gevoelens te skryf, soos hulle leer om op ‘n dieper vlak te kommunikeer. Beraders gebruik ook hierdie tegniek, wat wonders kan verrig. Deur jou gevoelens op papier neer te pen voor jy hulle uitdruk, kan jy jouself afvra: ‘Is dit hoe ek regtig voel? Is dit hoe ek my gevoelens wil uitdruk? Sê ek te veel? Sê ek te min?’ Dit mag dalk katarties vir jou wees om by jou maat af te pak, maar wat as dit hom of haar begrawe?
Hierdie is ‘n paar van die vrae wat jy moet vra om jou huwelik te herbou. As julle beide aanhou bid en julle harte oopmaak, sal God julle help om dit te doen.
Sielskos: Josua 1; Hand 3:1-21
2023-05-20
Matthew 7:27 NKJV
Today about 50 percent of all new marriages end in divorce. Sadly, that’s true whether you’re a Christian or not. Sometimes the reasons are circumstantial, such as a job layoff or a home foreclosure. Other times it’s relational, such as a betrayal of trust or an addiction to drugs and alcohol.
If you’re committed to rebuilding your marriage, you must learn how to reconnect and work to restore what you once had. In order to accomplish this, you must both be willing to enter into the process and commit for the long haul. For the next few days, let’s look at four key areas.
First, you must know the other person. It’s a mistake to try and figure out your spouse, put them in a box, and label them for the remainder of their lives. Knowing someone is an art in progress, not a static science with unchangeable data. You must view your mate as a mystery who requires ongoing scrutiny and lifelong learning. The Bible says, “Treat your wife [and your husband] with understanding as you live together” (1 Peter 3:7 NLT).
In order to restore your marriage, take a new look at your partner. They may not be who you assumed they were – but neither are you. So you must allow room for each of you to evolve, and resolve! And be sure to include God in the process. Jesus said that a house built on the solid foundation of God’s Word will stand strong in the storm while others around it are falling apart (See Matthew 7:24-27). So today begin the process by recommitting to God – and each other.
Soul food: Jonah 1-4; Matt 11:1-19; Ps 88:1-9a; Prov 11:24-26
Matteus 7:27 NLV
Deesdae eindig omtrent 50 persent van alle nuwe huwelike in die skeihof op. Dis ongelukkig waar, of jy ‘n Christen is of nie. Soms is die redes daarvoor omstandighede, soos werkloosheid of om die huis te verloor. Ander kere is dit verhoudingsprobleme, soos vertrouensverraad of ‘n verslawing aan dwelms of alkohol.
As jy daaraan toegewyd is om jou huwelik te herbou, sal julle moet leer hoe om weer by mekaar aanklank te vind en daaraan werk om dit wat julle eens gehad het, te herstel. Om dit te doen, moet julle beide bereid wees om die proses aan die gang te sit en julself op die langtermyn daaraan verbind. Kom ons kyk vir die volgende paar dae na vier sleutelareas.
Eerstens, moet jy die ander persoon ken. Dis ‘n fout om jou eggenoot te probeer uitpluis, hulle in ‘n boks te sit en hulle vir die res van hulle lewens so te etiketteer. Om iemand te ken is ‘n deurlopende kuns, nie ‘n statiese wetenskap met onveranderlike data nie. Jy moet jou maat as ‘n raaisel wat voortdurende ondersoek en lewenslange leer vereis, beskou. Die Bybel sê: ‘…behandel julle vroue [en mans] met respek…’ (1 Petrus 3:7 NLV).
Jy moet met nuwe oë na jou eggenoot kyk om jou huwelik te herbou. Hulle mag dalk nie wees wie jy aangeneem het hulle is nie – maar jy is ook nie. Jy moet dus spasie vir beide van julle toelaat om te ontwikkel. Maak seker om God ook by die proses in te sluit. Jesus het gesê dat ‘n huis wat op die vaste fondament van God se Woord gebou is, sterk in die storm sal staan terwyl ander uitmekaar val (sien Matteus 7:24-27). Begin dus vandag die proses deur jouself – en mekaar – weer aan God toe te wy.
Sielskos: Jona 1-4; Matt 11:1-19; Ps 88:1-9a; Spr 11:24-26
2023-05-19
Ecclesiastes 4:12 NKJV
Ken Blanchard said, “None of us is as smart as all of us.” As much as we would like to think that we know it all, if we’re honest, each of us is painfully aware that we have blind spots and areas of inexperience. You have had experiences others haven’t had; they have had experiences you haven’t had, and when you get together, you harness your joint experience and knowledge.
Jesus sent the seventy disciples out in groups of two. Why? (1) For support. “Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.” (2) For enlightenment. Playwright Ben Jonson said, “He that is taught only by himself has a fool for a master.” (3) For accountability. The pastor of a megachurch introduced the man who traveled with him to his audience, saying, “I am vulnerable to temptation, and he is my safeguard.” You could have heard a pin drop in the crowd!
Sometimes you need comfort, and other times you need correction. It takes humility to acknowledge that, and emotional security to put it in place. Until you realize that others can help you live a fuller and better life than you could live on your own, you’re tying your own hands and limiting your potential. As long as your goal is to get ahead of others rather than work with them, your future will be shortchanged.
Good thinkers comprehend the power of shared thinking. They understand that when they treasure the thoughts and ideas of others, they receive the compounding results of shared thinking and achieve more than they ever could on their own. The truth is, you need others.
Soul food: Titus 1-3; Matt 10:32-42; Ps 75; Prov 11:23
