2022-01-23
Proverbs 13:20 NLT
Not everyone who starts out with us is capable of going where God wants to take us. Sometimes they don’t have the emotional capacity needed. Other times their vision is different from ours. So how can we know when it’s time to exit a friendship or another type of relationship?
One way to check is whether it makes us feel drained. If it does, we may need to take a step back from it. This calls for setting clear boundaries. Draining ourselves emotionally and physically to make someone else feel needed might sound noble and self-sacrificing, but it’s not what God’s called us to do. He doesn’t want us to end up spent and burnt out, because when we get to that point, we don’t have enough energy left to reach our own God-given goal in life. If we feel a relationship isn’t going too well, we should pause, take a look, and also take it to God.
Sometimes certain aspects of a relationship need to be ended, while other areas can be kept. We might have friendships that work in one area but not in another. Seeing a relationship in sections and closing the door on the sections that God says are not for us to deal with can help save an important relationship. We might have shared interests that need to be kept going, while other things need to be removed before we’re completely burnt out by them. For example, we might have a great relationship with someone in classes or at work, but things fall down when we’re involved in each other’s personal life. It’s possible to remove a section and still have a lot left to enjoy. It takes work, communication, and prayer, but it’s often worth it.
Ezek 47:1-12; Rev 21:22-22:5
Proverbs 13:20 NKJV
Not everyone who starts out with you is capable of going where God wants to take you. Sometimes they don’t have the emotional capacity required. Other times their vision differs from yours. So how can you know when it’s time to exit a relationship?
Avoid relationships that leave you depleted. This calls for establishing clear boundaries for the relationship up front. You don’t have time to spend your life straightening out misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and injured egos. How far are you willing to go? How much are you inclined to invest? When you overspend your budget, you go broke. Bankrupting yourself emotionally and physically to make someone else feel needed might sound noble, but it’s not. Emotionally and physically bankrupt people end up with everything from nervous breakdowns to extramarital affairs. And even when they don’t, they fail to reach their God-given destination in life because they’re dragging too much weight.
When you feel a relationship is not working, pause and take a look. View the situation objectively instead of emotionally, examining all the facets of it. Sometimes certain aspects of a relationship should be terminated, and other areas maintained. It’s possible to have relationships that work in one area but not in another. Compartmentalizing will save many important relationships because it requires you to see them in sections. It’s possible to remove a section and still have a lot left to enjoy. Yes, it takes work and communication, but it is often worth it. There may be common interests that need to be maintained, while others need to be invalidated before all is lost.
Soul food: Ezek 47:1-12; Rev 21:22-22:5
2022-01-22
Amos 3:3 NLT
Having the right relationships will help you to soar in life; they’re like the wind beneath your wings. But the wrong relationships will drag you down; they’re like a ball and chain around your feet. To know which relationships are good for you and which are not, here are three guidelines:
(1) When a relationship is not working, acknowledge it. Sometimes you must cut your losses. The old saying goes, “When you’re in a hole, stop digging!” Accept the fact that sometimes your efforts are not enough and that you can’t help everyone. Releasing someone doesn’t mean they will never get better; it just means that God is more qualified to help them than you are.
(2) There is a difference between helping someone and carrying them. This is particularly so when you’re dealing with a person who always turns to you for help and tries to make you feel guilty when you’re “not there” for them. Don’t try to be someone’s God. Your constant help may actually be a hindrance – you have become a crutch and an enabler. Step back and let them learn to walk on their own.
(3) Don’t allow your fear of criticism to restrain your common sense. Here is a fact of life that you must learn to live with: Not everyone will be pleased with you! The truth can hurt and often alienate, but it’s still the truth. There are times when you must “tell it like it is” and accept the consequences and disapproval. The only way to avoid criticism is to always say what everyone desires to hear, which is equal to living a lie in a relationship.
Soul food: Gen 47-49; Luke 5:1-11; Ps 91; Pro 3:3-4
Amos 3:3 NLV
Die regte verhoudings sal jou help om deur die lewe te sweef; hulle is soos die wind onder jou vlerke. Die verkeerde verhoudings sal jou egter aftrek; hulle is soos ‘n gewig rondom jou voete. Hier is drie riglyne wat jou sal help bepaal of ‘n verhouding goed is vir jou of nie:
1) Wanneer ‘n verhouding nie werk nie, erken dit. Soms moet jy jou verliese laat gaan. Soos die ou gesegde lui: ‘As jy in ‘n gat is, hou op grawe!’ Aanvaar die feit dat jou inspanning soms nie genoeg is nie en dat jy nie almal kan help nie. Om iemand te laat gaan beteken nie dat hulle nooit beter sal word nie; dit beteken net dat God beter gekwalifiseerd is as jy om hulle te help.
2) Daar is ‘n verskil tussen om iemand te help en om hom te dra. Hierdie is spesifiek van toepassing wanneer jy ‘n persoon het wat altyd na jou vir hulp draai en jou probeer laat skuldig voel wanneer jy nie ‘daar’ is vir hulle nie. Jou konstante hulp mag dalk ‘n hindernis wees – jy het ‘n kruk en ‘n instaatsteller geword. Tree terug en laat hulle leer om op hulle eie te loop.
3) Moenie toelaat dat jou vrees vir kritiek jou gesonde verstand beïnvloed nie. Hier is ‘n feit wat jy moet leer om saam mee te lewe: Nie almal sal van jou of dit wat jy doen, hou nie! Die waarheid kan seermaak en dikwels vervreem, maar dis steeds die waarheid. Daar is tye wat jy heeltemal eerlik moet wees en die nagevolge en afkeuring moet aanvaar. Die enigste manier om kritiek te vermy is om altyd dit wat mense wil hoor, te sê en dit beteken dat jou verhouding ‘n leuen is.
Sielskos: Gen 47-49; Luk 5:1-11; Ps 91; Spr 3:3-4
Amos 3:3 NLT
Having the right relationships can help us to soar in life, but the wrong relationships can hold us back. Here are three guidelines to help us discern which relationships are good and which are not:
1) When a relationship isn’t working, we need to acknowledge it. There are times when we have to cut our losses and accept the fact that sometimes our efforts aren’t enough and we can’t help everyone. Releasing someone doesn’t mean they’ll never improve; it just means that God is more qualified to help them than we are.
2) There’s a difference between helping someone and carrying them. This is especially true if we’re dealing with someone who always turns to us for help and tries to make us feel guilty if we’re ‘not there’ for them. Our constant help and availability might actually be preventing them from growing. Sometimes we need to step back and let them learn to walk on their own.
3) We mustn’t allow fear of criticism to stop us doing what’s right. Not everyone will be pleased with us all the time. There are always going to be people who disagree with us or who don’t like what we say. The truth can hurt, but it’s still the truth. There are times when we have to be honest and accept the consequences and disapproval. (It’s important that we check with God if it’s the right time to say something, and ask for wisdom in how to say it with gentleness and sensitivity.) The only way to avoid criticism is to say what people want to hear, which often mean we’re not honest. If someone pressures us to always agree with them, it might be a good idea to ask God if it’s a relationship we should step back from.
Gen 47-49; Luke 5:1-11; Ps 91; Pro 3:3-4
