2021-07-05
Ecclesiastes 10:12 NIV
Are you are easily hurt? Do you hurt other people without intending to? Three things cause that: (1) We speak out of our own hurt. German poet Hermann Hesse wrote: “If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.” It helps to remember that people often lash out in response to what’s happening inside themselves.
(2) When we’re hurting, we get touchy. Let’s say you ignore a splinter in your finger, and it gets infected. Someone brushes up against it, and you howl with pain, “You hurt me!” However, the real problem is the splinter you neglected to address. Hurting people overreact, over exaggerate, and overprotect. They also over-influence. Counselors who deal with couples in crisis say that emotionally one spouse “throws up,” and the other “cleans up.” Usually the one with the most pain does the most damage.
(3) Getting over our hurt takes time. Quick fixes don’t work. The kindest thing you can do when someone’s hurting is to show them you care. And if they’re willing, to help them work through their issues and get beyond the pain. Good things can come from bad situations.
A cleaning company working on a sewer line under a city street found sixty-one diamond rings, numerous vintage coins, and silverware. It was an unpleasant job – but the workers were allowed to keep the valuables they found. You may have to deal with some pretty nasty stuff, but in the process, you may discover some treasures you didn’t know existed, and after all your hard work, end up with a great relationship.
Soul food: Jer 41-44; Luke 5:1-11; Ps 102:18-28; Prov 15:4-7
2021-07-04
Kolossense 4:6 NLV
As jy ‘n gewoonte daarvan maak om te praat sonder om te dink, is daar ‘n Skriftuurlike oplossing vir jou: ‘Met woorde wat altyd vriendelik en sinvol is, moet julle gereed staan om die regte antwoord vir elke mens te gee.’ Alhoewel eerlikheid altyd die beste beleid is, gee dit jou nie die reg om net te sê wat jy wil nie. Een van die belangrikste vaardighede wat jy kan ontwikkel, is die vermoë om ander mense met takt en sensitiwiteit te hanteer wanneer jy jouself in ‘n moeilike situasie bevind. Jy dink seker dat dit maklik behoort te wees vir diegene wat sê dat hulle deur die Gees van God vervul is, maar die bewyse sê anders. Jy sê: ‘Maar soms is dit nodig om brutaal eerlik te wees!’
Om genade te betoon en die waarheid te praat is nie wedersyds uitgesluit nie. Jy kan leer om die waarheid met takt oor te dra. Die Bybel sê: ‘Die wet is deur middel van Moses gegee, die onverdiende goedheid en waarheid het deur Jesus Christus gekom’ (Johannes 1:17 NLV). Jesus het nooit toegelaat dat goedheid en takt Hom daarvan weerhou om die waarheid te praat nie, maar Hy het dit nooit op ‘n gemene manier gedoen nie. Jy moet ook nie. Soms sê ons dat ons die waarheid in liefde praat (sien Efesiërs 4:15), maar die waarheid is dat woede, frustrasie, teleurstelling en wraak in ons harte ons ware beweegrede is.
Wat is dus die oplossing? Voor jy praat, neem ‘n oomblik om die woorde in jou gedagtes te hersien en probeer om hulle impak te evalueer. Kies dan om aan die Heilige Gees se leiding toe te gee. Dit sal jou help om die emosionele dissipline wat nodig is om taktlose opmerkings in die bek te ruk, te ontwikkel.
Sielskos: Jes 53:2-12; Hand 8:26-40
Colossians 4:6 NLT
If we tend to say the wrong things, there’s a scriptural solution for us: ‘Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone’ (v.6 NLT). To speak effectively, we need to be ‘gracious’ when dealing with others. And while honesty is always the best policy, it doesn’t mean we can say whatever we want. One of the most important skills we can develop is the ability to deal with others tactfully and with sensitivity when we find ourselves in a difficult situation.
We might think that being brutally honest is sometimes the best course of action, but extending grace to someone and being truthful aren’t mutually exclusive. We can and should learn to tell the truth tactfully. The Bible says, ‘For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ’ (John 1:17 NIV).
Jesus didn’t let courtesy and kindness prevent Him from telling the truth, but He never did it in a mean-spirited way. Sometimes we can claim to be ‘speaking the truth in love’ (Ephesians 4:15), when the truth is that anger, frustration, disappointment, and retaliation are what’s truly in our hearts.
So what’s the answer? Before we speak, we should take a moment to review the words in our mind, and try to evaluate their impact. Then we should choose to follow the Holy Spirit’s leading. If we’re feeling prompted to change what we say or how we say it, or even to not say anything just yet, then we should follow what the Spirit is saying to us. Doing that will help us develop the discipline to cut out tactless remarks from our conversations.
Isa 53:2-12; Acts 8:26-40
Colossians 4:6 NLT
If you habitually put your foot in your mouth, there’s a scriptural remedy. “Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone” (v. 6 NLT). Notice this: To speak effectively requires you to be “gracious” in your dealings with others. And while honesty is always the best policy, it’s not a license to say whatever you want.
One of the most important skills you can develop is the ability to deal with others tactfully and with sensitivity when you find yourself in a difficult situation. You would think exhibiting graciousness would come easily to those who claim to be filled with the Spirit of God, but the evidence shows otherwise. We tend to perpetuate the communication style of the family we grew up in. You say, “But sometimes you need to be brutally honest!”
Extending grace and being truthful are not mutually exclusive. You can learn to tell the truth tactfully. The Bible says, “For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ” (John 1:17 NIV). Jesus never allowed courtesy and kindness to prevent Him from telling the truth, but He never did it in a mean-spirited way. Nor should you. Sometimes we claim to be “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15), when the truth is, that anger, frustration, disappointment, and retaliation are what’s truly in our hearts.
What’s the remedy? Before you speak, take a moment to review the words in your mind, and try to evaluate their impact. Then choose to yield to the Holy Spirit’s leading. Doing that will help you develop the emotional discipline necessary for stifling tactless remarks.
Soul food: Isa 53:2-12; Acts 8:26-40
2021-07-03
Matthew 7:25 NKJV
Did you know that before it snows, certain fir trees retract their branches so that the weight of the snow they’ll have to bear will be reduced? This withdrawal response is programmed into their branches. God has enabled these trees to anticipate the problem before it occurs, thereby reducing the risk that they will break in a storm. And you need to do the same thing in your marriage. You can’t avoid problems and crises, but you can prepare for their arrival. Most of the stress points in our families are common, and therefore predictable.
Christian psychologist, Doctor James Dobson writes: “One of my good friends spent a considerable amount of time with his wife, preparing for the moment when their grown kids would move out of the house. They talked often about the empty nest, and discussed ways their friends had coped with it. They read books about that phase of life, and applied what they had heard to themselves. As a result, their transition to the empty nest was smooth. Into every marriage, a little snow will fall. Blizzards will blow, and storms will howl. But an effort to anticipate these times will help you and your mate stand up under the weight of the winter storm.”
Here are three ways in which you can be ready: (1) Sharing goals beyond parenting to which you’re both committed. (2) Sharing feelings and needs, and having them validated. (3) Sharing in prayer together each day. Did you know that 90 percent of all Christian couples don’t pray together? Be sure and make it your goal to be part of the 10 percent who do.
Soul food: Jer 36:27-40:16; Luke 4:31-44; Ps 102:12-17; Prov 15:3
