2022-04-18
Colossians 3:13 CEV
We shouldn’t rush into an important or potentially lifelong relationship without taking time to really get to know the other person. None of us are perfect, and we’re dealing with other imperfect people, so if we want to build successful, strong relationships, we’ll need to try focusing on the other person’s strengths instead of their weaknesses.
An important skill in relationship building is learning to forgive. Forgiveness can be harder when the offence is big. Small offences can usually be forgiven quickly. Big ones involve a healing process, but until we decide to forgive, the process can’t even start. Paul wrote: ‘Be gentle, kind, humble, meek, and patient. Put up with each other, and forgive anyone who does you wrong, just as Christ has forgiven you. Love is more important than anything else. It is what ties everything completely together’ (v.12-14 CEV).
One author puts it this way: ‘If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.’ In other words, when it comes to facing facts we can’t change, we should pray for grace in learning to live with them. (However, if we’re in any kind of relationship where we’re being hurt, emotionally, physically or mentally, we should seriously consider getting out and getting help from someone we can trust.)
Forgiving others and trusting God to deal with their faults is the right thing to do. We’re not designed to carry the physical and mental stress that comes with holding on to resentment. And on top of that, ‘You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out’ (Galatians 6:1 MSG). So let’s be willing to forgive.
1 Cor 1-3; Luke 24:13-24; Ps 56; Pro 10:8-9
2022-02-14
1 Samuel 20:17 NIV
Hoping to save their relationship, a woman dragged her husband to see a counselor. During their session, the counselor asked him, “Do you tell your wife you love her?” The man growled, “I told her when we got married, I loved her – and that if I ever changed my mind, I’d let her know.”
Seriously, people know you love them when you show them and when you tell them. The relationship between Jonathan and David was so strong that they were willing to lay down their lives for one another. Yet the Bible says, “Jonathan had David reaffirm his…love for him.”
When you lose a loved one, you realize that relationships are much more important than possessions. We tend to forget that, in our scramble to get to the top of the heap. There is something about knowing you have a short time to live that radically alters your perspective. It makes you want to fill every precious moment with important words you have left unsaid and important things you have neglected to do. Don’t let self-centeredness masquerading as ambition or religious zeal stop you from expressing your love to the people in your life who need to hear it. Make that call. Send that e-mail. Buy those flowers. Say, “I love you.”
Most times, people don’t need our opinions and solutions; when we give them our love and support, they usually find their own solutions. Yes, it’s important to fulfill your God-given assignment in life, but not at the cost of the people who really matter. Three little words people never get tired of hearing are “I love you.” It’s not complicated – it just requires thought.
Soul food: Eph 5:21-33; S of S 2:1-7; Ps 45; Pro 5:15-19
1 Samuel 20:17 NLT
The relationship between Jonathan and David in the Bible was so strong that they would make sacrifices and give things up for one another, they were completely loyal, they were willing to compromise, and they were even prepared to lay down their lives for each other if necessary. But even though theirs was such a strong and true friendship, the Bible tells us that, ‘Jonathan made David reaffirm his vow of friendship again, for Jonathan loved David as he loved himself.’
We can be sure in our own minds that we care about someone, but they can only know that we love and care for them when we show them and when we tell them. The people we love can’t read our minds, so we need to demonstrate how we feel about them through our actions and words.
When a close friend leaves for another city, the parting is usually accompanied with hugs, giving gifts, and words telling how much the friend is loved and will be missed. People sitting at the bedside of a dying family member often find the most important words for that moment are those of love.
But there’s no reason for us to wait until a separation happens to show and tell how much we care about someone. We can make opportunities every day. Send a quick text. Make a phone call. Buy flowers. Bake a cake. Help clean the car. There are so many ways to say, ‘I love you.’ We shouldn’t neglect the people in our lives who really matter to us, and we shouldn’t waste an opportunity to reaffirm our love and let them know that they have our support.
Eph 5:21-33; S of S 2:1-7; Ps 45; Pro 5:15-19
2022-01-24
Ephesians 5:7 NLT
Letting go of a person doesn’t mean you no longer love them; it just means the relationship is not right for you. How should you handle it?
(1) A gradual separation is sometimes the best solution. There are relationships you need to get out of for your own good. But because you have a cord to cut doesn’t mean that it should be ripped. Dissolving a relationship is stressful, so try to end it graciously. If the cord that binds you is constant phone calls, emails, and visits, that’s a good place to start.
(2) Don’t keep going back. Some of us are just so “nice” that we can’t end the relationship and move forward. We keep going back, second-guessing ourselves and reevaluating our decision. Make it one time, make it right, and make it decisive. Often people will come back to entice you by suggesting you were wrong the first time. That’s why you must resolve any doubt before you make the decision in the first place.
If you find yourself in a pattern of going back to old, unhealthy relationships, you may be drinking from the wrong well. You may be trying to fill an emptiness in your heart that only God can fill. When Jesus met the woman at the well, she had been through five failed marriages and was living with man number six. He told her: “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life” (John 4:13-14 NKJV).
Soul food: Gen 50; Haggai 1-2; Luke 5:12-26; Ps 96; Pro 3:5-6
2022-01-23
Proverbs 13:20 NKJV
Not everyone who starts out with you is capable of going where God wants to take you. Sometimes they don’t have the emotional capacity required. Other times their vision differs from yours. So how can you know when it’s time to exit a relationship?
Avoid relationships that leave you depleted. This calls for establishing clear boundaries for the relationship up front. You don’t have time to spend your life straightening out misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and injured egos. How far are you willing to go? How much are you inclined to invest? When you overspend your budget, you go broke. Bankrupting yourself emotionally and physically to make someone else feel needed might sound noble, but it’s not. Emotionally and physically bankrupt people end up with everything from nervous breakdowns to extramarital affairs. And even when they don’t, they fail to reach their God-given destination in life because they’re dragging too much weight.
When you feel a relationship is not working, pause and take a look. View the situation objectively instead of emotionally, examining all the facets of it. Sometimes certain aspects of a relationship should be terminated, and other areas maintained. It’s possible to have relationships that work in one area but not in another. Compartmentalizing will save many important relationships because it requires you to see them in sections. It’s possible to remove a section and still have a lot left to enjoy. Yes, it takes work and communication, but it is often worth it. There may be common interests that need to be maintained, while others need to be invalidated before all is lost.
Soul food: Ezek 47:1-12; Rev 21:22-22:5
